I practice Gottman Method Couple’s Therapy which is a therapy method based on 40 years of research conducted by Dr. John Gottman. Dr. Gottman predicts how a couple communicates will set the tone for the entire relationship. If they speak respectfully to each other they increase understanding, trust and positive connection. When couples speak to each other in negative ways, frustration, conflict and distance follow. Gottman’s research concluded that criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling were the most corrosive types of negative interaction. He named them: The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse
Although all couples have The Four Horseman clomping around their marriage once in a while, Gottman observed that happy couples (The Masters) identified the negative interactions and avoided them. Struggling couples (The Disasters) continued in the negative cycle. Gottman was able to predict divorce with 90% accuracy just by observing the couples interact.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy was developed out of this research to help partners:
- Increase respect, affection, and closeness
- Break through and resolve conflict when they feel stuck
- Generate greater understanding between partners
- Keep conflict discussions calm
Who Needs Couple’s Therapy?
I have couples of all ages from newly-weds to couples who have been married for over 30 years. Couples who are in crisis receive benefit from Gottman Therapy and couples who just need a tweak to reenergize their marriage benefit. The beauty of Gottman Therapy is that it meets the couple exactly where they are. Gottman Therapy teaches skills that make a life-long difference in the marriage. This therapy is not a cheap popular fad that comes and goes with the wind. Instead, Gottman Therapy focuses on character building skills, that result in positive changes for the couple to enjoy together! I do especially recommend Gottman Therapy for:
- Couples in Crisis
- Infidelity
- Sexual Addiction Recovery
- Intimacy Anorexia
- Blended Families
- Newly Weds
- Engaged Couples (What a great gift to begin a marriage)
What Will Gottman Therapy do for Our Marriage?
- You will learn practical skills to improve the friendship in your relationship and help you manage conflict in a positive way.
- You will learn to create ways to support each other’s hopes for the future.
- You will learn the antidotes to the 4 Horseman.
- You will learn how to identify and implement the nine components of healthy relationships.
- As a couple, together, you will build love maps, share fondness and admiration, learn to turn towards each other and make life dreams come true.
What Should We Expect During Our Sessions?
The First Session: (90 Minutes ) During our first session we will meet for 90 minutes to get to know each other. I will listen as you tell me about your relationship from the time you met until now. We can talk about what is working and what could work better in your relationship. You can share with me what you would like to get from therapy and goals you would like to work on for your marriage. Go for it—this is your chance to be heard! This is also a good time for me to explain the Gottman philosophy and answer any questions you might have.
In Between Session 1 & 2: I will ask you to both take a very comprehensive online Gottman assessment in the privacy of your own home. And by privacy—I mean private. You don’t even talk to each other about your assessment! ☺ The Gottman Institute will send the results to me and we will go over them in the future.
The Second Session: I will meet with you individually to talk about your back grounds. You know the time period before you met. You can tell me about your family history and that sort of information. You may schedule your appointments individually, however, it works best if you come during the same week. We can talk about scheduling in session 1.
The Third Session: Before the 3rd session I will have compiled the findings of your first 2 sessions and your assessment. The results are based on Gottman’s scientific research. There is no amateur TV psycho-babble in this process. Instead, we will discuss the results based on a scientific model. I’ll share some insight from my perspective and review a treatment plan based on your goals and the results of the assessment. This is a fun session filled with promise and hope!
What Will We Work On During Future Sessions?
- Each week you will have exercises to work on at home to reinforce what you learned during the session. You’ll have a good time together!
- You will learn ways to build trust and commitment.
- You will learn what to do to repair a fight or a “regrettable incident.”
- You will learn to manage conflict by turning toward each other and not away.
- You will learn a new perspective and gain insight into your partnership.
- You will learn how to grow together and not apart.
- Eventually, I will share with you a plan to stay motivated. You don’t want to relapse back into old patterns—and you won’t want to with this new admiration for each other!
Sounds easy? Well, it’s not. Building an awesome relationship is hard work. The longer you have been married, the more engrained your patterns. If you are open to doing the work, you will see results. It’s up to you. I’m here to give you 100% support, training and encouragement—the rest is up to you. You can create a marriage that is exciting, intimate and precious to the two of you. Let’s get started —Your Marriage is Worth the Investment!
Summary
If you have any questions, please call me at the office 843-321-8866. I would love to hear from you and help you determine the best course of action for your marriage. If you aren’t ready for private therapy, please join our mailing list and consider attending The 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work clinic.